Disappointment
Welcome to my monthly newsletter, ATTUNEMENT!
Each month we “tune into” a theme related to mindfulness and
explore a creative practice and tune based on this theme!
This month of September we’re TUNING INTO the frequency of:
DISAPPOINTMENT.
Image by Nathan Dumlao
If you choose to consciously embrace pain and loss as your teachers, life itself is not disappointing; it is a series of moments to practice being with life as it is.
-Jack Kornfield
I love musicals. And I love being in musicals.
I did community theater as a kid, and as an adult I've tried to keep it up, appearing in a few musicals over the past 10 years I've been living back in my hometown of Columbus, OH. I even got to share the stage with my younger daughter last winter when we were both cast in a production of Fiddler on the Roof.
It stings when I audition and don't get cast. My confidence gets shaken, I doubt my talent, and I'm just really sad that I don't get to participate in a hobby I love--one that is not only a creative experience, but a social one too (musical theater people are FUN!).
When this happens, it takes a lot for me to want to put myself through the ringer again and audition for the next musical, because I don't want any future rejection.
However, meditation teacher Jack Kornfield says this:
When you reject the moment that is arising just because it is unpleasant, you are rejecting the only moment you have in which to be alive, the only moment in which you can feel and act. If you are lost in disappointment about the future or the past, you are not fully and authentically present in the moment.
For the first couple days after getting the news I didn't get cast, disappointment tends to overtake me. I hate feeling this way, but it's not easy to snap out of it.
So I asked myself after reflecting on a recent audition disappointment, "DO I need to 'snap out of it', or is it actually healthier to feel the hard feelings, even if they're hard to bear?
Perhaps allowing the disappointment to flow through me will prevent me from getting stuck in a state of resentment, anger, and hopelessness.
Meditation teacher Phillip Moffit writes:
If you can stay present when something disappointing occurs, the next response is to open fully to the experience. Don’t deny it, don’t push it away, but realize, “Ah, this is disappointment. What does it taste like? Where is it in my body? Is the feeling expanding or contracting?” Open to the experience of disappointment so that you can accept it and let it pass through your mind and heart.
A bonus of practicing mindful acceptance for small-ish disappointments like not getting cast in a show is that I grow a tolerance for navigating life's bigger disappointments.
To wax poetic, I become more skilled at riding the waves of life.
Image by Alex Wigan
These waves, in Buddhism, are called the Eight Worldly Concerns: gain and loss, praise and blame, pleasure and pain, happiness and unhappiness.
The Buddha taught that the less we cling to the pleasant (gain, praise, pleasure, and happiness), and the less we reject the unpleasant (loss, blame, pain, and unhappiness), the more peaceful we will be, and the better equipped we'll be to deal with whatever else comes our way.
Learning to ride the tide of disappointment is not always easy, but it's a skill that can be cultivated with practice when we're able to view disappointment as a mindfulness teacher.
"If you choose to consciously embrace pain and loss as your teachers," Jack Kornfield reminds us, "life itself is not disappointing; it is a series of moments to practice being with life as it is."
Creative Mindfulness Practice: Riding the Tide of Disappointment
I tend to write songs when I have big feelings, especially the unpleasant kind. My original song "Driftwood" is about mindfully coping with disappointment and the fear of the unknown. The chorus goes:
I’ll get by as I ride the tide,
No reason why it has to feel fine always.
I’ve got time and spaces wide,
And I will find my way someday.
Consider using these lyrics as a sort of mantra when disappointment hits.
You could write out the above lyrics on a post-it and stick it on your mirror or on your desk at work.
You might experiment with writing your own mantra that reflects your intention to "ride the tide" of disappointment until it abates.
You could listen to the whole song and journal about what resonates for you.
Finally, consider moving your body to the song. Physical movement can help complete the stress response and encourage stuck emotions to be fully experienced.
My September Events:
Fall Into Ease: Breathwork & Sound Bath 🫁 🥣
Thurs 9/12, 7-8:30pm @ The Be Sanctuary, UA (w/Tiffany Berger)
Fall into ease with this early autumn Breathwork & Sound Bath experience designed to rejuvenate your mind, body, and spirit. Harness the power of your breath to release stress, find emotional clarity, and ignite a profound sense of well-being and a deeper connection to yourself. A relaxing, restorative crystal singing bowl sound bath will accompany your breathwork journey in this unique self-care experience.
Mindful Moments: Mini Forest Retreat 🌿 ✂️ 🥣
Fri 9/13, 1-4pm @ Moon Creek, Muirfield Village area of Dublin
In the 3-hr retreat you’ll explore a variety of mindfulness-based practices through the modalities of creative self-expression (SoulCollage®), sound and silence (sound bath), nature (forest bathing), and connection (tea and conversation). Enjoy this unique opportunity to “go on retreat” close to work and home, and to immerse yourself in the peace of a forested creekside sanctuary while you are guided in restorative practices that support your personal and professional well-being.
Mon 9/16, 7-8:30pm @ The Be Sanctuary, UA
This is an opportunity for anyone who's ALREADY attended a SoulCollage® workshop with me to enjoy an open studio time to make cards and engage in informal sharing with other attendees. Supplies provided!
Creative Mindfulness Fall Equinox Retreat ✂️🍁🥣🌸
Sun. 9/22 @ Sackett Farm Flowers, Delaware, OH
Spend a magical autumn afternoon at the beautiful Sackett Farm Flowers in Delaware, OH. Enjoy a SoulCollage® session, guided nature therapy experience, restorative sound bath, and time for journaling and meditation. Refreshments will be served, and you'll get to take home a bouquet of fresh flowers!
Location: Sackett Farm Flowers, 2826 Curve Road, Delaware, OH.
Acoustic set of cover and original songs 🎵
Fri. 9/27, 6-9pm @ Pure Roots Boutique (18 N. State St., Westerville, OH)
Stop in to Pure Roots (a hip and artistic store filled with handmade goods that are new, vintage, rustic, and repurposed to help promote local artists and provide eclectic pieces that are affordable for everyone), and listen to me play some live music while you shop and sip. Pure Roots is right in the center of State Street's "Westerville Fourth Fridays" street festival--there are tons of vendors, food, drinks, and other live music. What a great way to celebrate the start of fall!
This Month’s Tune:
Each month I share a tune that resonates with the newsletter theme.
For this month’s theme of DISAPPOINTMENT, in addition to listening to my song Driftwood that I mentioned above, I invite you to listen to my song With Me.
This song is about wanting to escape the pain of disappointment, and eventually realizing that radical acceptance, rather than resistance, is often the most skillful first step through a difficult time:
I know I don’t know what’s round the next curve
And that every day is open wide
You say I won’t feel this way forever
And that you’ll always find me when I hide
So I can pause and breathe
And let the feelings be
And know that they may not always be
With me
I hope you have a wonderful start to fall!
Happy September!
P.S. My website got a makeover! Check it out here.
