Intention
Welcome to ATTUNEMENT, my monthly blog!
Each month we "tune into" a theme related to mindfulness,
and I share a creative mindfulness practice and tune based on this theme.
This first month of 2023, January, we're TUNING INTO the frequency of:
INTENTION.
Mindfulness, according to meditation teacher and founder of MBSR (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction) Jon Kabat-Zinn, means "paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally." The on purpose part is intention.
Meditation teacher and therapist Donna Farhi writes,
Living intentionally is what mindfulness is all about. This is the ethical foundation that mindfulness comes from, it cannot be isolated from it – which doesn’t mean you have to become a Buddhist. But it does mean that if you think mindfulness is separate from the way that you live and the values you live by you will get either quite confused or only reap a tiny benefit from your meditation practice.
Not too long ago I committed myself to living more mindfully in order to change the way I was relating to my mind, body, spirit, relationships, and world.
I’m happy to report that my life is now perfect, thanks for mindfulness!
Just kidding!!!!
I still react with self-critical thoughts more often than not (especially when I'm stressed), but due to practicing mindfulness I'm more aware when I do so and sometimes am even able to practice self-compassion in response.
Here's a recent example from my life.
I call it The Sweet Potato Fry Incident:
I screamed in frustration a few nights ago when I took the sweet potato fries out of the oven and saw that I had burned them. My daughters were 6 feet away, coloring at the kitchen table. Of course my scream wasn't intended to scare them, but it did. I realized that when I looked up from the pan and saw their startled faces.
I didn't yell on purpose, but my scream had the unintended consequence of putting my kids' nervous systems into fight/flight/freeze mode momentarily.
In the past, seeing their faces like that would have sent me into a shame spiral. I would have chastised myself not only for burning the fries but also for being an angry, shouty mom.
But this time, instead of shame-spiraling (and then likely barging out of the room in a tearful rage), I took a breath, grounded myself, and walked over to my ladies, saying something to the effect of:
"Hey girls. I just screamed. Obviously you know that. I was frustrated that the fries got burned; I was excited for us all to enjoy them, and I had spent so much time prepping them from scratch, that I was mad I ruined them. It's okay to get mad. It's also ok to make mistakes. I'm working on being kinder to myself when I mess up. I'm sorry if I scared you. I love you. We're going to have chips instead of fries with dinner."
Setting the intention to be more mindful doesn't mean we'll actually behave more mindfully in any given moment. But it communicates our values and priorities, and that's a really important first step.
Frequent re-commitment to our intentions through the practice of mindfulness increases the likelihood that we'll be able to catch ourselves in reactive moments and course-correct so we don't cause further suffering to ourselves or our loved ones.
Intention-setting is creative way to bring more mindfulness into your life.
Creative Mindfulness Practice:
You can set an intention at any time, for any reason. Intention-setting is like pointing your compass in the direction you want to go.
In yoga, it's common for the teacher to invite students to set an intention towards the beginning of class--usually a quality to aspire to/embody during practice (for example, "I intend to be kind to myself"). Even if you don't practice yoga, you could set an intention for whatever activity you're about to "practice" (i.e. parenting, running a meeting, grocery shopping, etc).
Here are some examples:
I intend to be a caring partner today.
I intend to practice patience with my children today.
I intend to practice gratitude when grocery shopping.
I intend to give my co-workers the benefit of the doubt today.
Tibetan Buddhist scholar and former monk Thupten Jinpa offers a few phrases of intention below, which you could choose to recite outloud or silently to yourself each morning. You could also create your own "daily intention mantra" based on his:
Today, may I be more mindful of my body, mind, and speech in my interaction with others.
May I, as far as I can, avoid deliberately hurting others.
May I relate to myself, to others, and to the events around me with kindness, understanding, and less judgment.
May I use my day in a way that is in tune with my deeper values.–adapted from Thupten Jinpa’s book, A Fearless Heart: How the Courage to Be Compassionate Can Transform Our Lives
You can also set an intention for the whole year by contemplating the quality you'd most like to cultivate in 2023.
You can pull out a journal or piece of paper, or make a new "Notes" page in your phone.
Write down all the things you'd like to focus on this year (goals, etc).
See if there's a golden thread woven through them all--that thread can become your Word of the Year.
It may help to reflect on what you feel you didn't focus enough on in 2022.
When I did this exercise I realized that I was so focused on growth--both personal and business--in 2022 that I wasn't leaving enough space for R&R. So I decided to make my 2023 Intentional Word of the Year "play"!
Email me back and share your 2023 Word of the Year; I'd love to know!
This Month’s Tune:
For our January theme of INTENTION I'd like to share with you the song "Lakshmi (I Choose to Live in Love)" by Sam Garrett and Mollie Mendoza.
Below are some of the lyrics, which are beautiful intentions you can recite (or sing!). And here's where you can find the song on Spotify and on Apple Music.
I sing like the birds, I grow like the trees,
I choose to live in love, I am joy I am ease.
I choose no more fear, I choose no more shame,
I choose to live in love, I am light I am grace.
